everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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