I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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