Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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