If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
