Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
