that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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