You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
