He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
