You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
