the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
