just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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