my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
