And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
