I just cut my nipple shaving
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
