who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
