Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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