youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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