i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
