just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
