Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
