Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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