So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You left your phone here
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