My friends, they love my intelligence
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
