i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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