What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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