counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
