she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
