Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
