I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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