I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
