if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
