you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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