Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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