were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
