Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
