How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
