this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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