Got a toothbrush?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
