i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Your mouth is God's brothel.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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