so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
