Where is the hickey?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
