how can u be prego again
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
