So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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