Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
