at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
