my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
