We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
