dude i'm inner monologue high
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
