i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
