How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
