well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
