I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
