My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
