haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
