I want to stick my p in your. b.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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