I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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