3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
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