I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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